Late-Night Comics Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Program

TV's leading entertainers devoted their evening criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched visa program, called the "gold card," describing it as a blatant pay-to-play system for the wealthy.

Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday song about the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... destroys all he handles."

Colbert's target was the controversial initiative that allows overseas citizens to buy U.S. legal status for the price of one million dollars, or "top-tier" option for five million. The program's website guarantees approval "in record time."

"One thought for you to affluent foreigners: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the program is also designed to "get cash" from firms wishing to hire foreign workers, with significant payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choice – as long as it's the that one hotel," he added.

"The most thorough vetting the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit rich international individuals to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the application, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping approval numbers amid economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a attempt to discuss affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of food items, and reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative news arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.